Moreover we now and then condescend to direct, in some measure the little affairs of our own university. Verily, Mr. SPECTATOR, we are much offended at the act for importing French wines. A bottle or two of good solid edifying port at honest George's, made a night cheerful, and threw off reserve. But this plaguy French claret will not only cost us more money, but do us less good. Had we been aware of it, before it had gone too far, I must tell you, we would have petitioned to be heard upon that subject. But let that pass. "I must let you know likewise, good sir, that we look upon a certain northern prince's march, in conjunction with infidels, to be palpably against our good will and liking; and, for all Monsieur Palmquist, a most dangerous innovation; and we are by no means yet sure, that some people are not at the bottom of it. At least my own private letters leave room for a politician, well versed in matters of this nature, to suspect as much, as a penetrating friend of mine tells me. "We think we have at last done the business with the malecontents in Hungary, and shall clap up a peace there. "What the neutrality army is to do, or what the army in Flanders, and what two or three other princes, is not yet fully determined among us; and we wait impatiently for the coming-in of the next Dyer's, who you must know is our authentic intelligence, our Aristotle in politics. And indeed it is but fit there should be some dernier ressort, the absolute decider of all controversies. "We were lately informed, that the gallant trained bands had patrolled all night long about the streets of London. We indeed could not imagine any occasion for it; we guessed not a tittle on it aforehand; we were in nothing of the secret; and that city tradesmen, or their apprentices, should do duty or work during the holidays, we thought absolutely impossible. But Dyer being positive in it, and some letters from other people, who had talked with some who had it from those who should know, giving some countenance to it, the chairman reported from the committee appointed to examine into that affair, that it was possible there might be something in it. I have much more to say to you, bu my two good friends and neighbours, Dominic and Slyboots, are just come in, and the coffee is ready. I am in the mean time, Mr. SPECTATOR, 66 "Your admirer and humble servant, "ABRAHAM FROTH." You may observe the turn of their minds tends only to novelty, and not satisfaction in anything. It would be disappointment to them to come to certainty in any thing, for that would gravel Busi them and put an end to their inquiries, which dull fellows do not make for information, but for exercise. I do not know but this may be a very good way of accounting for what we frequently see, to wit, that dull fellows prove very good men of business." ness relieves them from their own natural heaviness, by furnishing them with what to do; whereas business to mercurial men, is an interruption from their real existence and happiness. Though the dull part of mankind are harmless in their amusements, it were to ie wished they had no vacant time, because they usually undertake something that makes their wants conspicious, by their manner of supplying them. You shall seldom find a dull fellow of good education, but, if he happens to have any leisure upon his hands, will turn his head to one of those two amusements for all fools of emiLence, politics or poetry. The former of these arts is the study of alldall people in general; but when dullness is lodged in a person of a quick animal life, it generally exerts itself in poetry. One might here mention a few military writers, who give great entertainment to the age, by reason that the stupidity of their heads is quickened by the alacrity of their hearts. This constitution in a dull fellow, gives vigour to nonsense, and makes the puddle boil, which would otherwise stagnate. The "British Prince," that celebrated poem, which was written in the reign of King Charles the Second, and deservedly called by the wits of that age incomparable, was the effect of such an happy genius as we are speaking of. From among many other distichs no less to be quoted on this account, I cannot but recite the two following lines: "A painted vest Prince Voltager had on, Which from a naked Pict his grandsire won.' Here, if the poet had not been vivacious, as well as stupid, he could not, in the warmth and hurry of nonsense, have been capable of forgetting that neither Prince Voltager, nor his grandfather, could strip a naked man of his doublet; but a fool of a colder constitution would have staid to have flayed the Pict, and made buff of his skin, for the wearing of the conqueror. To bring these observations to some useful purpose of life, what I would propose should be, that we imitated those wise nations, wherein every man learns some handicraft work. Would it not employ a beau prettily enough, if, instead of eternally playing with a snuff box, be spent some part of his time in making one? Such a method as this would very much conduce to the public emolument, by making every man living good for something; for there * See Nos. 222 and 469. The Hon. Edward Howard. See Tat. No. 21. It is very hard for the mind to disengage itself from a subje on which it has been long employed. The thoughts will be risi of themselves from time to time, though we give them no enco ragement; as the tossings and fluctuations of the sea contin several hours after the winds are laid. It is to this that I impute my last night's dream or vision, whi formed into one continued allegory the several schemes of w whether false, mixed, or true, that have been the subject of n late papers. Methought I was transported into a country that was filled wi prodigies and enchantments, governed by the goddess of Fals hood, and entitled "The Region of False Wit." There was nothi in the Fields, the woods, and the rivers, that appeared natura Several of the trees blossomed in leaf gold, some of them produc bone-lace, and some of them precious stones. The fountains bu bled in an opera tune, and were filled with stags, wild boars, a mermaids, that lived among the waters; at the same time th dolphins and several kinds of fish played upon the banks, or to their pastime in the meadows. The birds had many of the golden beaks, and human voices. The flowers perfume the a with smells of incense, ambergrease, and pulvillios; and were interwoven with one another, that they grew up in pieces of er broidery. The winds were filled with sighs and messages of d Be thou a spirit of health, or goblin damn'd; Bring with thee airs from heav'n, or blasts from hell; Thou com'st in such a questionable shape That I will speak to thee. I'll call thee Hamlet, Hath op'd his ponderous and marble jaws I do not therefore find fault with the artifices above mentioned, when they are introduced with skill, and accompanied by proportionable sentiments and expressions in the writings. For the moving of pity, our principal machine is the handkerchief; and indeed in our common tragedies, we should not know very often that the persons are in distress by anything they say, if they did not from time to time apply their handkerchiefs to their eyes. Far be it from me to think of banishing this instrument of sorrow from the stage; I know a tragedy could not subsist without it: all that I would contend for, is to keep it from being misapplied. In a word, I would have the actor's tongue sympathize with his eyes. A disconsolate mother, with a child in her hand, has frequently drawn compassion from the audience, and has therefore gained a place in several tragedies. A modern writer, that observed how This had took in other plays, being resolved to double the distress, and melt his audience twice as much as those before him had done, brought a princess upon the stage with a little boy in one hand, and a girl in the other. This too had a very good effect. A third poet being resolved to outwrite all his predecessors, a few years ago introduced three children with great success: and, as I an informed, a young gentleman, who is fully determined to break the most obdurate hearts, has a tragedy by him, where the first person that appears upon the stage is an afflicted widow in her mourning weeds, with half a dozen fatherless children attending Ler, like those that usually hang about the figure of Charity. Thus several incidents that are beautiful in a good writer, become ridiculous by falling into the hands of a bad one. things of the most different natures tied up in bundles, and throw upon one another in heaps like faggots. You might behold a anchor, a night rail, and a hobby-horse bound up together. Or of the workmen seeing me very much surprised, told me, there w an infinite deal of wit in several of those bundles, and that } would explain them to me if I pleased; I thanked him for h civility, but told him I was in very great haste at that time. was going out of the temple, I observed in one corner of it a clu ter of men and women laughing very heartily, and diverting then selves at a game of Crambo. I heard several Double Rhymes & I passed by them, which raised a great deal of mirth. As Not far from these was another set of merry people engaged at diversion, in which the whole jest was to mistake one person f another. To give occasion for these ludicrous mistakes, they wer divided into pairs, every pair being covered from head to foot wit the same kind of dress, though perhaps there was not the least re semblance in their faces. By this means an old man was some times mistaken for a boy, a woman for a man, and a black-a-moo for an European, which very often produced great peals of laugi ter. These I guessed to be a party of Puns. But being very de sirous to get out of this world of magic, which had almost turne my brain, I left the temple, and crossed over the fields that la about it with all the speed I could make. I was not gone far, b fore I heard the sound of trumpets and alarms, which seemed to proclaim the march of an enemy; and as I afterwards found, wa in reality what I apprehended it. There appeared at a great dis tance a very shining light, and in the midst of it, a person of most beautiful aspect; her name was Truth. On the right hand there marched a male deity, who bore several quivers on hi shoulders, and grasped several arrows in his hand. His name wa Wit. The approach of these two enemies filled all the territorie of False Wit with an unspeakable consternation, insomuch tha the goddess of those regions appeared in person upon her frontiers with the several inferior deities, and the different bodies of force which I had before seen in the temple, who were now drawn up in array, and prepared to give their foes a warm reception. As the march of the enemy was very slow, it gave time to the several in habitants who bordered upon the Regions of Falsehood to draw their forces into a body, with a design to stand upon their guard as neuters, and attend the issue of the combat. I must here inform my reader, that the frontiers of the enchanted region, which I have before described, were inhabited by the species of Mixed Wit, who made a very odd appearance when they were mustered together in an army. There were men whose bodies were stuck full of darts, and women whose eyes were burning-glasses: men that had hearts of fire, and women that bad |