THE POLITE MISCELLANY: OR, A COLLECTION of ESSAYS, MORAL, HUMOUROUS, and POLITICAL, IN PROSE AND VERSE. The Hopes and Wifbes of an honest Englishman. M AY our paft offences, our ufuries, our briberies, our Sunday card-playings, or our prostitutions, our stock-jobbings, or our gamblings, be remembered no more. May the DEITY, who hath bleffed us with victory, not be angry at our peace-offerings. From being ill used by excisemen, from the crafts and affaults of informers, from the terror of meffengers, and fear of arbitrary power, I hope we shall be delivered. From falfenefs of heart, and the want of compaffion, may our great gentlemen and ladies be preferved. And likewife from folly and flattery, from contempt of merit and hatred of integrity, from buffoons, pimps, and infincerity. May men of eftates be infpired with true taste and understanding, may humility be bestowed upon ladies of fortune, and may all our minifters be endued with righteousness. More particularly I with that the hands of the justices may be strengthened; that they may have it more in their power to adminifter mercy; and that they may have the due fenfe which they may want. May the foft dew of huma nity be fhed upon parish officers, that they may have fympathy to feel for others, and that diftrefs may not so often die under their hands. VOL. I. B May May it please heaven to preferve all the English people in their liberties, and to grant them hearts to love one another more, and themselves lefs; and to give them also grace, but not that grace which embellifheth dukedoms, nor the grace of canting hypocrites, but that real grace, that benignity of mind, that portion of understanding, capable to preserve them juft and free; and that they may have power to overcome all their enemies. May truth be introduced among us. May all thofe who are impofed upon be fuccoured; and the widows and orphans befriended, and the legislature infpired to examine the trustees accounts. That gluttony may be extinguished from parish-meetings, fimony from the church, gaming from among men of honour, adultery weeded from matrimony; pettifogging from the courts of justice; and may all those who are in power have good hearts. May decency not be drove out of the land, nor honesty permitted any more to be made a laughing-stock; and may integrity be preserved from all affaffinations. From all the temptations of pimps, from all affaults of selffelling, may heaven deliver us. Extracts from the King of Pruffia's Campaigns, a new and authentic book, lately published at Berlin. I. "TH HERE is an anecdote concerning the King (of Pruffia) while at Glatz (in the year 1742,) which I cannot pass over in filence. Having certain information, that the Countess of Grunn, who was married to a Lieutenant-Colonel of the garrifon, had vowed a fine fuit of cloaths to the Madona of the Jefuits, in case the blockade of the town was foon raised, he bought as many yards of the finest stuff that could be found, as were neceflary to make a large robe for the Virgin, and fent a meffage to the Gentlemen of the Society, acquainting them, That being informed of the fruitless vow the Countess had made, and knowing his men better than fhe, he did not intend that our Lady fhould be a loser, and therefore offered her in reality what Madam de Grunn had promised her in vain. The Jefuits were charmed, and came, in great formality, to return his Majefty thanks; flattering themselves, perhaps, that this was a ftep towards his becoming their profelyte.... 2. The 2. The Hainacks, or Vallachians, are peasants, who inhabit the mountainous border between Hungary and Moravia; they are very refolute, and live by plunder, even in time of the profoundest peace. They come down at times to ravage the flat country, where they take a particular pleasure in ranfacking the country Clergymen, and, after having extorted from them fums in proportion to their abilities, they make them fay mafs gratis, and then recommend to these poor Priests good economy, that they may be in a condition to pay the fame contribution next year. In their rejoicings and dances, which are very much of the grotesque kind, they fing a ballad, the burthen of which imports, That if they knew their children would not be as great robbers as their fathers, they would wring their necks about as soon as they were born. . . 3. As we are to ftay to-day at Pohrlitz, I have time to infert in my letter a very diverting adventure, which I doubt not will give you fome amusement. Colonel Fouquet, having entered Cremfitz with fix companies of grenadiers, had placed a fentry on the wall, near the houfe of a Prieft, or Curate. The good man, finding himself much difturbed by the frequent repetition of, Qui va la? that is, Who goes there? which the fentry pronounced with a loud voice, every quarter of an hour, refolved to make the foldiers weary of this poft, and to this view contrived to mafk himself like a devil; accordingly horns, claws, the ferpent's tail, cloven feet, and the fork, were got ready, and our Prieft, having equipped himself to his own fatisfaction, and like a real devil, began to act his part, by advancing towards the fentinel, and, at every ftep, fcratching the wall with the fork. The grenadier began to feel fome tremors, but did not leave his post. He ftopped fhort, till the devil coming too near, and prefenting the three points of his fork, cried out with hoarfe voice, Thou fhalt die by my hand; then the foldier got the better of his fears, and boldly cocked his musket. The fpectre heard the click of this fatal inftrument, and of a fudden lofing all confidence in his fork and the whole of his apparatus, recoiled, and wanted to fave his honour by a flow retreat. The grenadier, on the contrary, having once made free with this imaginary devil, followed him close, and faw him enter the houfe of the Curate, by a little backdoor. Upon this he called to his affiftance fome of his companions, who were not a great way off; and they com-ing readily to his relief, the door was quickly forced open, and Belzebub feized with all his infernal habiliments, before he В 2 a he had time to put them off. As foon as he was taken, hơ was conducted to the nearest poft, whence he was next day conveyed to the main-guard, and flogged like a poor devil, in the fight of the whole town. The Clergy made a great noife about this affair; but the Colonel giving them to understand, that the worthlefs Levite had, by this impudent mafquerade, infulted the garrifon, and confequently all the King's troops, matters were made up in fuch a manner, that the poor Curate was fhut up in a Convent to do penance, and the Clergy paid a fine of ninety ducats, of which each company had fifteen, to purchase them black fpatterdalhes. Every body thought this adventure very diverting, and the foldiers faid to one another, That the devil had taken pains to provide them with fpatterdafhes. . . . 4. Chroudim, the capital of the circle of the fame name, is a village of a moderate fize, ill built and not well fituated, though it ftands on a fpot of ground very beautiful and fruitful. The little river of Chroudimka washes the foot of it's walls; and there is nothing else remarkable about it, but a very handfome church, where they worship a miraculous image of our LORD. This image is a head admirably well painted by Lucas Kranach. It's miracles began in the time of the thirty years war. Some Swedish foldiers having carried it away from Chroudim, and notagreeing among themfelves who fhould have it, refolved to play at dice for it; fortune was fo irrefolute, that after playing feveral hours none of them could win it; therefore, in a great rage, they refolved to cut it in pieces; but at the firft cut given it with the knife the picture bled. This inspired them with fuch terror that they ran away and left it, and it was afterwards restored to its own church, where it is to be feen with its bloody wounds in the face, and a multitude of offerings, which those who have been benefited by its miracles have brought from all quarters. . . 5. The Convent of Sedeletz, belonging to the Ciftercian Order, which ftands a fhort quarter of a mile from Kouttenberg, is worth feeing. There is in it a chapel of moderate fize, the infide and ornaments whereof are made: wholly of the heads and bones of the dead; but with admirable order and dexterity. The Monks tell you, That all those whofe melancholy remains compofe the infide of: this chapel were Saints; that the earth on which the Convent ftands is holy ground, which never destroys entirely the bodies of the bleffed, but only consumes the flesh, and whitens the bones; whilft the bodies of the profane and damned |