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was a long pause." Now, just for the fun of the thing, only suppose luck was to befall me. Say somebody was to leave me lots of cash,-many thousands a year, or something in that line! My stars! would'nt I go it with the best of them!" Another long pause. "Gad, I really should hardly know how to begin to spend it!-I think, by the way, I'd buy a title to set off withfor what won't money buy? The thing's often done; there was a great biscuit baker in this city, the other day, made a baronet of, all for his money-and why should'nt I?" He grew a little heated with the progress of his reflections, clasping his hands with involuntary energy,as he stretched them out to their fullest extent, to give effect to a very hearty yawn, "Lord, only think how it would sound!

"SIR TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE, BARONET.

see out is happy, excepting me, and the poor | a tip-top groom-that chap's wages, I'll anchaps that are like me!—Every body laughs swer for it, were equal to my salary!" Here when they see me, and know that I'm only a tallow-faced counter-jumper, for whom it's no use to go out!-Oh, Lord! what's the use of being good-looking, as some chaps say I am?"-Here he instinctively passed his left hand through a profusion of sandycoloured hair, and cast an eye towards the bit of fractured looking-glass that hung against the wall, and which, by faithfully representing to him a by no means plain set of features (despite the dismal hue of his hair) whenever he chose to appeal to it, had afforded him more enjoyment than any other object in the world for years. "Ah Lord! many and many's the fine gal I've done my best to attract the notice of, while I was serving her in the shop,-that is, when I've seen her get out of a carriage! There has been luck to many a chap like me, in the same line of speculation; look at Tom Tarnish-how did he get Miss Twang, the rich piano-forte maker's daughter?-and now "The very first place I'd go to after I'd he's cut the shop, and lives at Hackney like got my title, and was rigged out in Stultze's a regular gentleman ! Ah! that was a tip-top, should be-our cursed shop, to buy stroke! But somehow, it has'nt answered a dozen or two pair of white kid. What a with me yet: the gals don't take! Lord flutter there would be among the poor pale how I have set my eyes and ogled them-devils as were standing, just as ever, beall of them don't seem to dislike the thing-hind the counters, at Dowlas, Tagrag, and and sometimes they'll smile, in a sort of Co.'s, when my carriage drew up, and I way that says I'm safe-but 'tis no use, not stepped into the shop! Tagrag would come a bit of it!-My eyes! catch me, by the and attend to me himself. No he would'nt— way, ever nodding again to a lady on the pride would'nt let him. I don't know, Sunday, that had smiled when I stared at though; what would'nt he do to turn a penher while serving her in the shop-after ny, and make two and ninepence into three what happened to me a month or two ago and a penny. I should'nt quite come Capin the Park! Did'nt I feel like damaged tain Stiff over him; but I should treat him goods, just then! But it's no matter, wo- with a kind of an air, too, as if-hem! how men are so different at different times!-delightful!" A sigh and a pause. "Yes, Very likely I mismanaged the thing. By the I should often come to the shop. Gad, it way, what a precious puppy of a chap that would be half the fun of my fortune! And fellow was that came up to her at the time they would envy me, to be sure! How one she stepped out of the carriage to walk a should enjoy it! I would'nt think of marrybit! As for good looks-cut me to rib-ing till-and yet I won't say either; if I get bons"-another glance at the glass-"no; among some of them out and outers-those I ain't afraid there, neither-but,-heigh-first-rate articles-that lady, for instance, the ho;-I suppose he was, as they say, born other day in the Park-I should like to see with a golden spoon in his mouth, and ne- her cut me as she did, with ten thousand a ver so many thousand a year, to make up to year in my pocket! Why, she'd be runhim for never so few brains! He was un-ning after me, or there's no truth in novels, common well-dressed though, I must own. which I'm sure there's often a great deal in. What trowsers!-they stuck so natural to Oh, of course, I might marry whom I pleashim, he might have been born in them. And ed. Who couldn't be got with ten thouhis waistcoat, and satin stock-what an air! sand a year?" Another pause. "I should And yet his figure was nothing very out go abroad to Russia directly; for they tell of the way! His gloves, as white as snow! me there's a man lives there who could dye I've no doubt he wears a pair of them a day- this hair of mine any colour I liked-egad! my stars! that's three and sixpence a day, I'd come home as black as a crow, and for don't I know what they cost?-Whew! hold up my head as high as any of them! if I had but the cash to carry on that sort of While I was about it, I'd have a touch at thing! And when he had seen her into her my eyebrows."-Crash went all his castlecarriage the horse he got on!-and what building at the sound of his tea-kettle, hiss

ing, whizzing, sputtering in the agonies of over his face, carefully avoiding his eyeboiling over; as if the intolerable heat of brows, and the hair at the top, sides, and the fire had driven desperate the poor crea- bottom of his face, which he then wiped ture placed upon it, who instinctively tried with a dry corner of the towel; and no furthus to extinguish the cause of its anguish. ther did Mr. Tittlebat Titmouse think it Having taken it off and placed it upon the necessary to carry his ablutions. Had he hob, and placed on the fire a tiny fragment been able to "see himself as others saw of fresh coal, he began to make preparations him," in respect of those neglected regions for shaving, by pouring some of the hot which lay somewhere behind and beneath water into an old tea-cup, which was pre- his ears, he might not possibly have thought sently to serve for the purpose of breakfast. it superfluous to irritate them with a little Then he spread out a bit of crumpled whity- soap and water; but, after all, he knew brown paper, that had folded up a couple best; it might have given him cold; and of cigars which he had bought over-night besides, his hair was very thick and long for the Sunday's special enjoyment-and behind, and might, perhaps, conceal any which, if he had supposed they had come thing that was unsightly. Then Mr. Titfrom any place beyond the four seas, I ima- mouse drew from underneath the bed a gine him to have been slightly mistaken. bottle of Warren's "incomparable blackHe placed this bit of paper on the little ing," and a couple of brushes, with great Having mantel piece; drew his solitary, well-worn labour and skill polishing his boots up to a razor several times across the palm of his wonderful point of brilliancy. left hand; dipped his brush, worn within washed his hands, and replaced his blackthe third of an inch to the stump, into the ing implements under the bed, he devoted a hot water; presently passed it over as much few moments to boiling about three teaof his face as he intended to shave; then spoonfuls of coffee, (as it was styled on the rubbed on the damp surface a bit of yellow paper from which he took, and in which he soap-and in less than five minutes Mr. had bought it-whereas it was, in fact, But mark-chicory.) Then he drew forth from his Titmouse was a shaved man. don't suppose that he had performed an ex-trunk a calico shirt, with linen wristbands tensive operation. One would have thought and collars, which had been worn only him anxious to get rid of as much as possi- twice since its last washing-i. e. on the ble of his abominable sandy-coloured hairquite the contrary.

Every hair of his spreading whiskers was sacred from the touch of steel; and a bushy crop of hair stretched underneath his chin, coming curled out on each side of it, above his stock, like two little horns or tusks. An imperial-i. e. a dirt-coloured tuft of hair, permitted to grow perpendicularly down the upper lip of puppies and a pair of promising mustachios, poor Mr. Titmouse had been compelled to sacrifice some time before, to the tyrannical whimsies of his vulgar employers, Messrs. Dowlas and Tagrag, who imagined them not to be exactly suitable appendages for counter-jump

ers.

So that it will be seen that the space shaved over on this occasion was somewhat circumscribed. This operation over, he took out of his trunk an old dirty-looking pomatum pot. A little of its contents, extracted on the tips of his two fore-fingers, he stroked carefully into his eyebrows; then spreading some on the palms of his hands, he rubbed it vigorously into his stubborn hair and whiskers for some quarter of an hour; and then combed and brushed his hair into half a dozen different dispositions-so fastidious in that matter was Mr. Titmouse. Then he dipped the end of a towel into a little water, and twisting it round his right fore-finger, passed it gently

A2

preceding two Sundays-and put it on,
taking great care not to rumple a very
showy front, containing three little rows of
frills; in the middle of one of which he
stuck three "studs," connected together
with two little gilt chains, looking exceed-
ingly stylish-especially coupled with a
span-new satin stock which he next buck-
led round his neck. Having put on his
bright boots, (without, I am sorry to say,
any stockings,) he carefully insinuated his
legs into a pair of white trousers, for the
first time since their last washing; and
what with his short straps and high braces,
they were so tight that you would have
feared their bursting, if he should have sat
hastily. I am almost afraid that I shall hardly
be believed, but it is a fact, that the next thing
that he did was to attach a pair of spurs to
his boots :-but, to be sure, it was not im-
possible that he might intend to ride during
the day. Then he put on a queer kind of
under waistcoat, which, in fact, was only a
roll-collar of rather faded pea-green silk,
and designed to set off a very fine flowered
damson-coloured silk waistcoat; over which
he drew a massive mosaic gold chain, (to
purchase which, he had sold a serviceable
silver watch,) which had been carefully
wrapped up in cotton wool; from which
soft depository, also, he drew HIS RING,
(those must have been sharp eyes that

could tell, at a distance, and in a hurry, that it was not diamond,) which he placed on the stumpy little finger of his red and thick right hand-and contemplated its sparkle with exquisite satisfaction.

nicely on each side beneath his hat, which he then placed upon his head, with an elegant inclination towards the left side. He was really not bad-looking, in spite of his sandy-coloured hair. His forehead, to be sure, was contracted, and his eyes of a very light colour, and a trifle too protuberant; but his mouth was rather well-formed, and being seldom closed, exhibited very beautiful teeth; and his nose was of that description which generally passes for a Roman nose. His countenance wore generally a smile, and was expressive of self-satisfaction; and surely any expression is better than none at all. As for the slightest trace of intellect in it, I should be misleading the reader if I were to say any thing of the sort. He was about five feet five inches in height, and rather strongly set, with a little tendency to round shoulders:-but his limbs were pliant and his motions nimble.

Having proceeded thus far with his toilet, he sat down to his breakfast, spreading the shirt he had taken off upon his lap, to preserve his white trowsers from spot or stainhis thoughts alternating between his late waking vision and his purposes for the day. He had no butter, having used the last on the preceding morning; so he was fain to put up with dry bread-and very dry and teeth-trying it was, poor fellow-but his eye lit on his ring! Having swallowed two cups of his quasi-coffee, (eugh! such stuff!) he resumed his toilet, by drawing out of his other trunk his blue surtout, with embossed silk buttons and velvet collar, and an outside pocket in the left breast. Having smoothed down a few creases, he put it on: Here you have, then, Mr. Tittlebat Tit-then, before him the little vulgar fraction mouse to the life-certainly no more than of a glass, he stood twitching about the an average sample of his kind; but as he is collar, and sleeves, and front, so as to make to go through a considerable variety of situthem sit well; concluding with a careful ation and circumstance, I thought you would elongation of the wristbands of his shirt, so like to have him as distinctly before your as to show their whiteness gracefully be- mind's eye as it was in my power to present yond the cuff of his coat-sleeve-and he him. Well-he put his hat on, as I have succeeded in producing a sort of white said: buttoned the lowest two buttons of boundary line between the blue of his coat- his surtout, and stuck his white pocketsleeve and the red of his hand. At that handkerchief into the outside pocket in useful member he could not help looking front, as already mentioned, disposing it so with a sigh, as he had often done before as to let a little of it appear above the edge for it was not a handsome hand. It of the pocket, with a sort of careful carelesswas broad and red, and the fingers were ness-a graceful contrast to the blue; drew thick and stumpy, with very coarse deep on his gloves; took his cane in his hand; wrinkles at every joint. His nails also drained the last sad remnant in his coffeewere flat and shapeless; and he used cup; and, the sun shining in the full splento be continually gnawing them_till_he|dour of a July noon, and promising a glorihad succeeded in getting them down to ous day, forth sallied this poor fellow, an the quick-and they were a sight to set Oxford Street Adonis, going forth conquera Christian's teeth on edge. Then he ex-ing and to conquer! Petty finery without, tracted from the first mentioned trunk a a pinched and stinted stomach within; a white pocket-handkerchief-an exemplary case of Back versus Belly, (as the lawyers one, that had gone through four Sundays' would say,) the plaintiff winning in a canshow, (not use, be it understood,) and yet ter! Forth sallied, I say, Mr. Titmouse, was capable of exhibition again. A pair of down the narrow, creaking, close staircase, sky-coloured kid gloves next made their which he had not quitted before he heard appearance; which, however, showed such exclaimed from an opposite window, "My barefaced marks of former service as ren-eyes, an't that a swell!" He felt how true dered indispensable a ten minutes' rubbing with bread crumbs. His Sunday hat, carefully covered with silver-paper, was next gently removed from its well-worn boxah, how lightly and delicately did he pass his smoothing hand round its glossy surface! Lastly, he took down a thin black cane, with a gilt head, and full brown tassel, from a peg behind the door-and his toilet was complete. Laying down his cane for a moment, he passed his hands again through his hair, arranging it so as to fall

the observation was, and that at that moment he was somewhat out of his element; so he hurried on, and soon reached the great broad street, apostrophized by the celebrated Opium-eater, with bitter feeling, as-" Oxford Street!-stony-hearted step-mother!Thou that listenest to the sighs of orphans, and drinkest the tears of children." Here, though his spirits were not just then very buoyant, the poor dandy breathed more freely than when he was passing through the nasty crowded court (Closet Court) which

TEN THOUSAND A YEAR.

he had just quitted. He passed and met hundreds who, like himself, seemed released for a precious day's interval from intense toil and miserable confinement during the week; but there were not many of them who had any pretensions to vie with him in elegance of appearance-and that was a luxury! Who could do justice to the air with which he strutted along? He felt as happy, poor soul, in his little ostentation, as his Corinthian rival in tip-top turnout, after twice as long, and as anxious, and fifty times as expensive, preparations for effective public display! Nay, my poor swell was greatly the superior of such an one as I have alluded to. Titmouse did, to a great degree, bedizen his back at the expense of his belly; whereas, the Corinthian exquisite, too often taking advantage of station and influence, recklessly both satiates his appetite within, and decorates his person without, at the expense of innumerable heartaching creditors. I do not mean, however, to claim any real merit for Titmouse on this score, because I am not sure how he would act if he were to become possessed of his magnificent rival's means and opportunities for the perpetration of gentlemanly frauds on a magnificent scale. But we shall, perhaps, see by and by. He walked along with leisurely step; for haste and perspiration were vulgar, and he had the day before

him.

make his appearance in Hyde Park, "to see
the fashions," which was his favourite Sun-
day occupation.

His condition was, indeed, forlorn in the
extreme. To say nothing of his prospects
in life-what was his present condition?
A shopman, with £35 a year, out of which
he had to find his clothing, washing, lodg
ing, and all other incidental expenses-his
board being found him by his employers.
He was five weeks in arrear to his landlady
-a corpulent old termagant, whom nothing
could have induced him to risk offending,
but his overmastering love of finery; for I
grieve to say, that this deficiency had been
occasioned by his purchase of the ring he
then wore with so much pride. How he
had contrived to pacify her-lie upon lie as
he must have had recourse to-I know not.
He was in debt, too, to his poor washerwo-
man in six or seven shillings for nearly a
quarter's washing; and owed five times
that amount to a little old tailor, who, with
huge spectacles on his nose, turned up to
him, out of a little cupboard which he oc-
cupied in Closet Court, and which Tit-
mouse had to pass whenever he went to or
from his lodgings, a lean, sallow, wrinkled
All the cash in hand which he had
face, imploring him to "settle his small ac-
count."
to meet contingencies between that day and
quarter-day, which was six weeks off, was
about twenty-six shillings, of which he had
taken one for the present day's expenses!

Observe the careless glance of self-satisRevolving these somewhat disheartening faction with which he occasionally regarded his bright boots, with their martial appen- matters in his mind, he passed easily and dage, giving out a faint tingling sound as leisurely along the whole length of Oxford he heavily trod the broad flags; his spotless Street. No one could have judged from his trowsers, his tight surtout, and the tip of dressy appearance, the constant smirk on white handkerchief peeping accidentally his face, and his confident air, how very out in front! A pleasant sight it was to miserable that poor dandy was; but threebehold him in a chance rencontre with some fourths of his misery were occasioned by one genteel enough to be recognized as he the impossibility he felt of his ever being stood, resting on his left leg; his left arm able to indulge in his propensities for finery stuck upon his hip; his right leg easily and display. Nothing better had he to ocbent outwards; his right hand lightly hold-cupy his few thoughts. He had had only a ing his ebon cane, with the gilt-head of plain mercantile education, as it is called, which he occasionally tapped his teeth; and i. e. reading, writing, and arithmetic: behis eyes, half-closed, scrutinizing the face and figure of each "pretty gal" as she passed! This was indeed happiness, as far as his forlorn condition could admit of his enjoying it. He had no particular object in view. A tiff over-night with two of his shopmates had broken off a party which they had agreed the Sunday preceding in forming, to go to Greenwich on the ensuing Sunday; and this little circumstance a little soured his temper, depressed as were his spirits before. He resolved to-day to walk straight on, and dine somewhere a little way out of town, by way of passing the time till four o'clock, at which hour he intended to

yond a very moderate acquaintance with these he knew nothing whatever; not having read more than a few novels, and plays, and sporting newspapers. Deplorable, however, as were his circumstances

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast." And probably, in common with most who are miserable from straitened circumstances, he often conceived, and secretly relied upon, the possibility of an unexpected change for the better; he had heard and read of extraA rich girl might ordinary cases of LUCK. Why might he not be one of the LUCKY? fall in love with him-that was, poor fellow'

in his consideration, the least unlikely way | ous was the throng of carriages and horseof luck's advent; or some one might leave men, that Titmouse did not find it the easiest him money; or he might win a prize in the lottery; all these, and other accidental modes of getting enriched, frequently occurred to the well-regulated mind of Mr. Tittlebat Titmouse; but he never once thought of determined, unwearying industry and perseverance in the way of his business conducing to such a result.

Is his case a solitary one?-Dear reader, you may be unlike poor Tittlebat Titmouse in every respect except one!

matter in the world to shoot across the footpath in the minor circle. That, however, he safely accomplished, encountering no more serious mischance than the subdued "D-m your eyes!" of a groom, between whom and his master Mr. Titmouse had presumed to intervene. What a crowd of elegant women, many of them young and beautiful, (who but such, to be sure, would become, or be allowed to become, pedestrians in the Park?) he encountered as he slowOn he walked towards Bayswater; and ly sauntered on, all of them obsequiously finding he was yet early, and considering attended by brilliant beaux! Lords and that the farther he went from town the bet- ladies were here manifestly as plentiful as ter prospect there was of his being able, plebeians in Oxford Street. What an enwith a little sacrifice of appearances, to get chanted ground!-How delicious this soft a dinner consistent with the means he car- crush and flutter of aristocracy! Poor Titried about with him, viz. one shilling, mouse felt his utter insignificance. Many he pursued his way a mile or two beyond a sigh of dissatisfaction and envy escaped Bayswater, and sure enough, came at length him; yet he stepped along with a tolerably upon a nice little public house on the road-assured air, looking every body he met side, called the Squaretoes Arms. Very straight in the face, and occasionally twirltired, and quite smothered with dust, he ing about his little cane with an air which first sat down in a small back room to rest seemed to say-"Whatever opinion you himself; and took the opportunity to call may form of me, I have a very good opinion for a clothes-brush and shoe-brush, to re- of myself." Indeed, was he not as much a lieve his clothes and boots from the heavy man-an Englishman-as the best of them? dust upon them. Having thus attended to What was the real difference between his outward man, as far as circumstances Count Do-'em-all and Mr. Tittlebat Titwould permit, he bethought himself of his mouse? Only that the Count had dark inner man, whose cravings he satisfied with whiskers, and owed more money than Mr. a pretty substantial mutton pie and a pint Titmouse's creditors could be persuaded to of porter. This fare, together with a penny allow him to owe! Would to heavento the little girl who waited on him, cost thought Titmouse-that any one tailor would him tenpence; and having somewhat re- patronize him, as half-a-dozen had patrofreshed himself, he began to think of return-nized the Count! If pretty ladies of quality ing to town. Having lit one of his two ci- did not disdain a walking advertisement of gars, he sallied forth, puffing along with an three or four first-rate tailors, like the Count, air of quiet enjoyment. Dinner, however why should they turn up their noses at an ashumble, seldom fails, especially when ac-sistant in an extensive wholesale and retail companied by a fair draught of good porter, in some considerable degree to tranquillize the animal spirits; and that soothing effect began soon to be experienced by Mr. Titmouse. The sedative cause he erroneously attributed to the cigar he was smoking; whereas in fact the only tobacco he had imbibed was from the porter. But, however that might be, he certainly returned towards town in a far calmer and even more cheerful humour than that in which he had quitted it an hour or two before.

establishment in Oxford Street, conversant with the qualities and prices of the most beautiful articles of female attire? Leaning against the railing in a studied attitude, and eyeing wistfully each gay and fashionable equipage, with its often lovely, and sometimes haughty enclosure, as it rolled slowly past him, Mr. Titmouse became more and more convinced that the only real distinction between mankind was that effected by money. Want of money alone had placed him in his present abject position. As he approached Cumberland Gate, it Abject indeed! By the great folk, who wanted about a quarter to five; and the Park were passing him on all sides, he felt, wellmight be said to be at its acme of fashion, dressed as he believed himself to be, that he as far as that could be indicated by a was no more noticed than if he had been a sluggish stream of carriages, three and four pismire, a blue-bottle fly, or a black beetle! abreast coroneted panels in abundance He looked, and sighed sighed, and looknoble and well-known equestrians of both ed-looked, and sighed again, in a kind of sexes, in troops-and some thousand pedes-agony of vain longing. While his only trians of the same description. So continu- day in the week for breathing fresh air, and

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