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Wing. “ When Cupid was made first lord of the heart.” Eld. Curse that song—there's enough. [Crosses to L.
[Dulcet and Mary have disguised themselves.] Dul. and Mary.
Now let us depart. Eld. [Seeing them.] Hey! hey! what are these? Why
not keep e’m in bed ? Bus. This couple, good sir, very shortly will wedEld. Poor creatures ! poor wretches ! O let 'em depart. Bus. Fly quickly to church, and be of good heart. Dul. and Mary. Blind guardian, so easy to let us depart. Wing. “When Cupid was made first lord of the heart.” Chorus. All away=fal lal la! Eld. Lack! a day! [Exeunt Dulcet, Mary, and Bustle L. und Wing to his
room, R. D. F.] Eld. (c.) Well, thank heaven, they're gone-- a pretty situation I am thrown into–1 declare, the only rational creter in the house is that charity-boy-looking-man ;-and luckily he is here.
Enter GEOFFRY, L. -Well, Sir, have you inquired after the lady that you've got in one of your plaguy coops ?
Geo. (L.) Coops -The lady that came an hour ago is still here in that there room.
[Guing, L. Eld. (R.) Stay, don't be off yet--wait here a few minutes.
Geo. Bless you, I got a hunk of bread and butter below, that I couldn't leave for all the world. [Exit slowly, L.
Eld. Well, it is of no use dilly-dallying here- must get her out-[Goes to Mrs. Wing's door, R. D. F.] Mary! Mary! I say-Mary!
[Wing peeps in from his room, R. D. F. Wing. Mary! “ That well-known name awakens all my woe.”
Eld. My dear Mary, it is I, your old protector.
Wing. Her old protector! an old rogue !- then he caunot be the composer. [Aside.]
Eld. Mary, I have followed you hither :-I forgive your running away, though you did not like my management.
Wing. Management! ( then, it is the manager coine from town after her. I'll have it out with him! [Wing takes from table a large stick, and stands behind
Elderberry, in a threatening attitude.] Eld. I'll pardon your cruel elopement come to the arıns
of one who always had an affection for you-She don't
to hear me~Mary! I say—[Seeing Wing.]Zounds !--again here !Why do you stay fixing your luna. tic eyes upon me ?
Wing. My lunatic eyes !-What does he mean? A pleasant rencontre-So, this is one of the embellishers of my unhappy forehead !
Eld. His unhappy forehead !
Wing. I'll have it out with him, though-Sir, you seem to be acquainted with the lady in that room ?
Eld. (L.) I ought—she lived with me some time.
Wing: (L. c.) (Apart.] Lived with him! I was correct, -I wish could say as much for her,- who would have thought such a punchey old fellow could have been a libertine ?-You, sir, are not the only person she has lived with!
Eld. This poor wretch's memorandum-book is in a sad state (touching his head]—perhaps it will be as well to occupy his mind a little (In a tone of compassion]- say go in, and make yourself a straw pair of boots !
Wing. What the devil does he mean by a straw pair of boots ?-Harkye, you hoary-headed sinner!
Eld. [Aside.] I don't half like his looks !—They say, if you intimidate these crack-pated chaps, you are safe-I'll try and frighten him at once-I'll make him believe I belong to the house !
Wing. [Advancing.] You assert, Sir, that the lady lived with you some time?
Eld. My friend, take care what you are after I am one of the keepers, Wing. I know it
[Crosses to R. Eld. O, then I'm safe! [Apart.]
Wing. (c.) But this is rather too bad to oue's face-Are you aware, you vile seducer, that the female in that room is my wife ?
Eld. Mary, his wife !
Wing. Yes, Mary, my wife !—she that eloped—Have you no dread of a suit for crim. con., old gentleman ? Eld. [Apurt.] l'll stretch a point, and terrify him at
-[Crosses to c. and points deliberately to crash.)-Do you see that strait waistcoat ?
On it goes
[Mrs Wing within, L. D. F.
Enter Mrs.Wing, rehearsing, from L. D. F. ; comes down the
stage quickly, to ELDERBERRY, and lays hold of him on his L. Mrs. W. (L.) “ Here he is still, and I will hold him fast,
“They shall not tear him from me.” -bless me, sir-humbly beg pardon, but I took you for the manager
[Curtesies, and exit, L. D. F. Eld. Dash it, you tiger cat, I don't care what you took me for-you have torn my best frill
Wing. (Puts on the helmet, and fences with foil.] Asto. nishing ! (Approaching, bowing.] - Sir
Eld. Well, you deranged lunatic ?
Wing. I humbly beg pardon, but I took you for the manager
[Bows and retires, R. Eld. Curse me, if I shall not be as mad as any of the squad !
Enter Berry, L. Ber. (L. c.) Sir, I come in consequence of a letter I reeived from you, respecting an engagemeut.
Eld. Don't bother me I know nothing about it.
[Bows, and exit, L. Eld. Fire and confusion Bedlam's broke loose! kuow what I'll do-I'll give the next person who speaks to me soinething for his trouble
[Tucking up his cuffs, as if going to fight.
Enter Geoffry, L. Geo. O! please, Sir, there's a lot of folks below axing for—are you a manager, Sir,
Eld. [Giving him a slap.] I can manage to give you that, on your old-fashioned charity chops
Wing. (R.) [Aside.] Ha! ha!-Manager's box !
Geo. O criminy!Why don't you strike one of your own size?
[Cries. Enter BUSTLE, L. Bus. Ha! ha! hey, old Berry-still here-behold your manager !
[Crosses to Elderberry. Eld. (R.) Sir—to be serious-- if you are the inaster of this asylum, pray be kind enough to endeavour, by a little good example on your own part, to drive one grain of sense into the heads of every person present.
Bus. Fie! Berry Senior, you are so satirical— but hold, I see two members of your family approaching, and I must refer you to them for an explanation.
El. My family? [Crosses to meet Mary.]
Enter Mary and DULCET, L. -Oh! my dear, dear Mary-[Embracing. ] You naughty puss !--od 'rat it, how glad I am to see you again. Why did you leave your old friend - and-my goodness !-who the devil is that there young chap that's tickling the tips of your fingers ?
Dul. (L. C.)[Bowing.) Mr. Elderberry, allow me to inform you, that, for the last ten niinutes, I have had the honour to be this lady's husband.
Eld. My goodness!
Dul. No, Sir, it is my goodness—I wish, hereafter to prove-and my dear Mary
Bus. (R. C.) Come, come, it is all made up-let us prepare for our Theatricals with alacrity-should they be for. tunate enough to please our patrons, Mr. Wing will ne'er again complain of famine or other inconveniences, as Mrs. W., his cara sposa, is about to coach it to town for a long engagement.
And now, may we hope that there will be found present, numerous Amatera's of our Actors.
“ Hark! the oouny Christchurch Bells." Ladies and Gents, our Farce is o'er, pray give us your ap
plause, "Twould sound so sweet, so wond'rous sweet, And send us home so merrily.
Say, shall we all your favour gain,
To-morrow to repeat this strain ?
To say our Farce is o'er-
Unless you cry encore !
DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE
FALL OF THE CURTAIN. WING, BUSTLE, ELDERBERRY, MARY, DULCET, GEOFFRY. R]